She's Just Not That Into You

We all saw the "He's Just Not That Into You" movie. The intro/opening is my favourite part. {Click here to see it} Since no one cares about making a similar one about girls, I've taken matters into my own hands. Hehehe. This ought to be fun.

Unfortunately, with girls its much more complicated than the black or white 'he loves me/he loves me not' situation with guys. When it comes to girls, there are so many other options/grey areas between the extremes of 'she's into you' and 'she's not into you'. Going into all of that in elaborate detail could take years so we are just going to simplify, by categorizing them into 3 colour-coded groups using the traffic colours Green, Orange and Red. I'll only tell you how to read the writing on the wall and identify these categories, how you handle it will be entirely up to you. Remember women are flaky. Hence, these colours can change sporadically without warning so, user beware! 

Okay, enough ranting. Guys (and Lesbians?), picking your battles is about to get easier. Let's dive in!

GREEN - OH YES! This is the easiest signal to spot. You call, she picks up(sometimes on the first ring and she tells you it's just because she already had the phone in her hand. She lie! Bae was waiting for that call dude). She returns your missed calls and sometimes calls you on her own. She replies your messages on whatever messaging app of your choosing. Sometimes you can have several conversations going on at the same time on different platforms eg Facebook messenger, Whatsapp, SMS and BBM. (Trust me, a girl that ain't into you, ain't got time for all that exhausting upandan movement, so you berra count yourself lucky and really grab on!). She's almost always available to be with you. She notices if you go AWOL and talks to you about it. A nice girl will attempt to be coy but a desperate more aggressive chic may go more than an extra mile though - She'll visit you and automatically settle into the wifey role. She'll cook, clean and do your laundry. She'll even spoon-feed and bathe you if you let her. She'll buy you nice things and generally take over your life. Don't be surprised if you find doodles of your name all over her books or a tattoo of your name on her butt. Whatever the degree/intensity of the babe's craze interest though, green light is green light; the signs are clear-cut. This can be likened to what my high school math Teacher - Mrs Ifezulike(I liked that woman) used to say - the easiest paper to mark is the 100% score paper. Every answer is right there in front of you, so it's really hard to miss. If she's into you, you'll definitely know of it. Period!

RED - HELL NO! We girls like to think this signal is easy to spot but alas, guys are not getting the message or refuse to get the message. This one can range from a mild disinterest to an intense dislike or even disgust and hatred. She ignores you, your calls and messages. She never calls you, she forgets your name and who you are when you stalk accidentally run into her. She doesn't notice your presence or absence. It's like the 0% Math paper. You struggle to find the correct answers hidden amidst all that jargon, but you find nothing and end up wasting your time. There's absolutely no silver lining in that dark cloud or a light at the end of the tunnel. At best, she basically acts like you don't exist. At worst, she insults and disgraces you publicly. Nice girls will try to let you down easy but a certified byotch will give it to you straight up without mincing words nor caring how you take it or feel about it. However, for some reason this just fuels your interest all the more. Why is that? Could it be the case of craving/wanting what one can't have?

ORANGE - UHMM, MAYBE. A.K.A the friend-zone. She blows hot and cold, making it hard for you to keep track. Sometimes she seems into you and sometimes not. You're not quite sure where you stand with her. It's neither here nor there. There's no definite yes and she's also not pushing you away either. Unlike the red light, there's a glimmer of hope. Sometimes she calls you pet names and tells you she doesn't know what she would ever do without you in her life. Other times she's just distant. If you're particularly unlucky, you become the one she tells all about the other guys in her life. You're like the gay bestfriend she doesn't have. And just like the Orange traffic light, the light could turn green or red in a minute or in 10 years or never. It's up to you to decide which colour you might be headed for and how to handle it, with no idea on how long it might take. She may simply like you as just a friend with no strings attached or she may think you're a good option but there's something else that's holding her back. It could be another love interest just out of her reach, so she's keeping you as a back-up plan. She may like you for a particular reason like helping her with errands or your emotional support or for keeping her company(when she doesn't have better plans with another dude). It could be she has some reservations about you - could be anything really; where you come from, your beliefs, the way you dress, the way you talk, your teeth, your name(yes, it can be that trivial), your financial status, your height, your weight(yes, we judge you too), external influence(her family or friends or even her dog may not like you), your views about certain things e.g.  the role of women in the home and society, your level of education or exposure or intelligence, the friends you keep(especially females and how you relate with or look at them), your social life and extra curricular activities, your drinking or smoking habits... the list is endless. Being persistent may or may not work in your favour. You have to decide if to press on or back-off and deal with the consequences.

So Guys, there you go. What's the colour signal you're getting from your current love interest? Green? Red? Orange? How is it going? How are you handling it? Girls, how do you feel about all the attention? Is it fun? Is it exhausting? Share in the comments and remember to drink lots of water.

xoxo...

Girlfriends